I have been thinking a lot about personal growth recently, and have been listening to inspirational talks on the importance of spiritual growth and character development. I am very thankful for the Lord’s unfailing mercy and grace, as I often fall short of the standard that is set for us in the Bible. While thinking about the areas I need to grow in, I was reminded of one of my most challenging growth experiences as an adult. It happened something like this:
I was 35 years old and had been doing volunteer mission work all my life, first with my parents and then with my own family. I had learned and made an effort to do what was expected of me, both in my behavior and example as well as in my work and ministry. For years I’d worked with teenagers as a guidance counselor and youth leader, and many people had commented on how gifted I was in this area. That all changed when my own children started reaching their teen years.
Around this time, a number of my co-workers moved on, and it was a time of great struggle and readjustment for me. I was trying to keep up with all the work that had previously been shared by more hands. Three of my children had reached their teen years and were going through the growing pains that this season brings. I found myself often becoming upset with them. Unlike my ministry persona of being a kind and patient person, I was frustrated and short-tempered at home. After a day of doing activities for the poor, visiting supporters of our mission, and giving Bible studies, when I would arrive home the slightest thing would set me off, not just with my teens but with my younger kids and my wife as well.
One day, when I was feeling overwhelmed, I prayed and asked God to help me. I felt God speaking to my heart regarding my behavior. I felt ashamed that here I was supposed to be a servant of Christ, but it was like I was putting on a show, acting one way with those I ministered to, and being completely different at home. I sensed God warning me that my children would start to see me as a hypocrite if I continued in this way, and that my greatest responsibility was to be an example of Jesus’ love to my family. This was a devastating realization for me.
I cannot say that I was immediately able to make all the needed changes, but I stopped looking at one aspect of my life as my “job” and the other as my “personal life.” I realized I needed to show consistency in my speech and my actions all the time. It took a lot of effort, prayer, and awareness, but I started to slowly make small steps of progress. It was a lesson in humility for me, as I realized how much I needed to change and how I had failed in many ways despite thinking I was doing well.
Now, 15 years later, I still cannot say that I have arrived. My youngest children are now teenagers, and I continue to be tested in these areas. But, by God’s grace, I am determined to keep making progress, and I am seeking to stay close to Christ and walk in humility.