I was in the back of a conference hall watching a farewell meeting taking place in the front of the room. A company was saying goodbye to a member of their team. When the manager asked those present to share some kind words about the person leaving, no one except for the one person she worked with directly had anything to say about her. A few stood up and tried to bumble their way through a goodbye. “She always seemed very nice.” “Even though we never talked, her work appeared very put-together.”

As I left the hall, the whole thing struck me as terribly sad. She had been working with these people for years and only one person had really known her at all. The likelihood of the team feeling her loss in any unique and irreplaceable way was slim.

This scared me in a way. I thought of my interactions with those I work with and I wondered: Would that be me? Or would I be remembered, not as just a person who was there, but as Amy, as who I am, what I think, how I made them feel? Many spheres of my work life come with a lot of personal interaction—teaching, counselling, organizing, planning, and practicing. I wondered if I was making an active effort to better people’s lives. How would I be remembered?

This mini crisis caused me to start observing others I worked with. I considered which co-workers I could say I really knew. And I began to notice something interesting. Those who were the most “knowable” were always trying to know everyone else. They talked with everyone at social events, made sure to greet even the “least important”‘ co-worker, and showed interest in others’ projects. In short, those who saw others were themselves seen. Those who were focused outward naturally inspired others to focus on them in return. Those who were the most influential were influential because they cared about others, and in return, people cared about them.

Making an impact on and creating a community came down, it seemed to me, to love. Loving humanity enough to be invested in each person. Valuing connection and fostering it.

As Paul said in Romans 14:7, no man should live (or die) for themselves alone. And Jesus said that the greatest love existing is found in laying down your life (and your own self-importance, individuality, or independence) for others (John 15:13). In this era, when so many suffer from isolation and loneliness, connecting and loving those around you is an essential duty of a Christian. It’s a goal that I think would make Jesus proud.