“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28).
As somewhat of a workaholic and perfectionist, I’ve always struggled to balance work and rest. But I’ve learned that prioritizing self-care isn’t a luxury—it’s a necessity.
I still smile when I think back to how I cared for my first child. Every night I would set out his ironed clothes for the next day, polish his little leather shoes, and make sure the play area and house were spotless. I took pride in having a clean, nearly “perfect” home, and in having my eldest look his very best.
When number two came along, I didn’t keep up quite as well, but let’s say the clothes were ironed every other day, and the shoes were polished, just not quite as often.
With number three, I still tried to keep some semblance of order, and the kids still looked neat and clean, but perfection went out the door. I don’t think I have to tell you what happened when numbers four, five, and six arrived.
Then, just when I thought I had finished parenting, life handed me a new challenge—caring for my grandson.
I tried my best to revive those days of perfection and keep things in tip-top shape. But my grandson was a handful, more than any of my children had ever been. I didn’t know then, but I learned later that his hyperactivity and frequent crying were due to autism, which was officially diagnosed when he was three.
It took me some time to digest the news of his different abilities, or diffabilities, as I like to call them. Still, once I learned more about autism and the importance of early intervention, my tendency for perfection kicked in once again. I was determined to do my best for him and follow every instruction from his teachers and therapists to a T.
I also read whatever book, blog, or article I could find and tried to participate in any social activities as best I could.
After a while, it became obvious that I was not going to be able to keep up, physically and emotionally, with all the demands that come with caring for an autistic child. I was stretched to the limit.
I was fortunate to have met an amazing parent advocate, who later became a dear friend. She was the mother of an autistic daughter and recognized the problem. Her advice to me? In short, “Cut yourself some slack!”
I knew she was right, but my circumstances hardly afforded it. Money was tight, and I didn’t have anyone to help or give me a break from time to time. Still, I knew I needed it—now!
I realized I needed a mindset change first. My desire to do everything perfectly caused me to overextend myself, and that was unsustainable. Through prayer and personal reflection, I came to grips with the fact that even if I had to skip an activity and do something simpler, like sitting in the backyard with a cup of tea and putting my feet up while my grandson chased butterflies and collected bugs, it was not going to hurt him, but would do both of us a world of good.
One of the key things that helped me find a better work-life balance was learning to ask for help and accept it when it was offered. I always felt bad for asking others to step in, and I often declined offers that would have afforded me a break. It took me time to realize that people want to help, and my allowing them to do so strengthened our relationships.
Besides not wanting to burden others, I also realized it had to do with trusting others. I always felt I could do things best. True, others would handle things differently than I would, but by being so protective I robbed myself of much-needed rest.
Once I accepted that self-care is not just “a nice thing to do if it works out,” but an actual necessity that needs to be scheduled, I began to feel much better. The challenges were still there, but I could cope better and started to take some things in stride.
Through trial and error, I also explored and discovered small but effective ways to take better care of myself without neglecting my responsibilities. Self-care doesn’t have to be time-consuming or expensive. Taking a walk, journaling, having time to read, praying and meditating, or having coffee with a friend provided short breaks and helped rejuvenate me.
For those struggling and feeling overwhelmed, remember, whatever your circumstances, taking care of yourself isn’t selfish—it’s necessary. You can’t pour from an empty cup. By prioritizing rest you’ll be stronger and happier for those who need you.