I was listening to a podcast this morning on the topic of friendship. The speaker was talking about when he was going through a difficult time, and when he received some news that seemed to validate his point of view, he was eager to share it with a friend. Apparently, his friend responded tersely, basically telling him not to allow himself to give in to his tendency to embrace negativity. The speaker said that, although he felt very offended at first by both the answer as well as the tone in which it was delivered, that response from his friend ended up being what ultimately changed his whole viewpoint and put him on the road to victory.
This story stood out to me, as I have experienced something similar. Someone who I thought would be sympathetic and understanding instead responded to me in a way that I felt at the time was unkind, but later I understood that he was only trying to help me and not let me go down a wrong path or embrace a lie. The Bible says, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend” (Proverbs 27:6 NKJV), and I think this means that a true friend loves you enough to tell you the truth, even if he or she knows it might not be welcome or might even endanger your friendship. True friends are willing to do this because they care about you and not just themselves or their own comfort. The Bible verse goes on to say, “but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.” Just because someone is always willing to agree with you, flatter you, or go along with you, doesn’t necessarily mean they have your best interests at heart.
I was thinking about the current social climate in which it has become so important to not hurt or upset anyone or say something that might be misunderstood or criticized. We have to guard ourselves from falling into the trap of only listening to opinions which coincide with our own, or only surrounding ourselves with friends or colleagues who always tell us what we want to hear. I believe most of us realize that our decisions or opinions are not always right, so being willing to be corrected or contradicted, especially by those we know love us and have our best interests at heart, is important.
In Paul’s letter to Timothy, Paul instructs him to “Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction” (2 Timothy 4:2 NIV). In other words, we should not only be willing to listen to friends who tell us the truth, but we should be the type of friend who speaks the uncomfortable truth as well, doing so with care and patience.
The story of King Solomon’s son Rehoboam is a good example of this. When Rehoboam was about to be crowned king, his people made certain demands of him. When he asked his elderly counselors about this, they recommended that he listen to the people. But then he went to his younger friends and decided to go with their advice of being tough and not giving in to the people’s demands. Obviously, he liked the counsel of his friends best, as it probably made him feel more powerful. In the end, however, he lost most of his kingdom because he chose to listen to those who told him what he wanted to hear, instead of the wise elderly counselors. (See 2 Chronicles 10:1–19.)
“Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel” (Proverbs 27:9). I pray that I can be a good friend, and that God will give us all true friends who can be a blessing and help to us, in both the good and the difficult times.