We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.—Romans 5:3–5
If I could sit down with 15-years-younger me and tell myself what the next years would bring, I would say:
You’re going to lose a baby, go through a health crisis with your husband, be broke and struggle financially a lot, leave behind a church and whole community, watch your kids face some difficult struggles in their teen years, experience major challenges in your marriage, move five times, change jobs over and over, and some parts of this story are going to be so hard and lonely. Your faith will be shaken. You will be pretty angry sometimes.
But you will end every single year happier, more at peace and with a stronger faith than the year before. In fact, you’ll get to a place where the hard things don’t upset you quite as much, because your faith will have grown. You will know from experience that if you hold on patiently, your hope will not have been in vain. And that will feel so empowering!
Maybe with this explanation younger me would not have been quite so scared during all those twists and turns. Maybe starting over wouldn’t have felt quite as terrifying.
My response to hard things is not what it used to be. I am less afraid, less adamant about how things should be, and more confident in God’s ability to weave His plan into reality, no matter how tangled the threads seem to me.
Last year our family had two situations that involved major life changes. We thought things were going in one direction, and through no choice of our own, they totally changed from one day to the next with no notice. Honestly, both times it was very disappointing, and it impacted our faith and confidence in God’s love—for a minute. But as we looked back over the years, we each could say, “God has always been faithful. We can trust Him! We will not be disappointed!”
We are still walking these stories out, but I am happy to see that trust and peace now come so much faster. I know that all the difficult experiences we endured brought us to this place, and I am truly grateful for them!