The memory of leaving our home in Mexico City still feels as real today as it did 18 years ago. I remember feeling so much loss! Big dreams we had worked so hard for and that were just starting to materialize were being left behind.
We loaded up our little trailer with all our earthly possessions. We were leaving a project that we had committed to long term. We had come with everything we had, and had invested everything we had, and just 18 months in, we were laid off. I wasn’t yet 30, but this was the second time we’d had to start over. Little did I know this wasn’t going to be the last time; in fact, our little family would relocate 10 times in 10 years. Whether it was a mission project or a business venture, we had as many failures as we had moves.
By the time we moved to Texas I was worn and cynical. I was much more fearful than I was hopeful. Experience had taught me that disappointment was never far away. It was hard to trust God’s love or have faith in His goodness. I’m not saying our lives were utterly horrible, but we were worn financially, spiritually, and mentally. I was fragile, depleted, and so, so weary from a very hard decade.
Early one morning my toddler crawled into bed with me, I snuggled her close. It only took a few seconds for my fearful reality to hit me. I started to pray, “Lord, have mercy on us! Care for us!” Then God spoke to my heart, “Can you imagine as you snuggle your little girl, how hurtful it would be to you to hear her beg you for mercy? You want nothing more than for her to thrive! Why would you think you have to beg Me for mercy, as if I don’t care deeply about everything that concerns you? I am your Father!” His words pierced my heart! How could I consider myself to be a more gracious parent than God?!
The words from Jeremiah 29:11 filled my mind: “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ says the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future’”. I thought, What if I would just believe that this is true? What would change if I simply believed that God’s plan is to prosper us and not to harm us? That answer was easy: I would not be afraid.
I was not completely unafraid from that moment on, but I began to believe that there was hope and a future for me and my family. And in time, that proved to be true!