Question: I want to get along well with others and enjoy friendships and meaningful relationships, but often I don’t know where to begin. How can I build strong connections with people?
Answer: Here are some tips to help you get started. The point is not to pretend to be something you’re not, but to make a conscious effort to cultivate qualities that will help people feel at ease with you and enjoy being around you.
Be polite and courteous. As Saint Basil observed, “He who sows courtesy reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.”
Smile. A sincere smile disarms the guarded, soothes the argumentative, calms the angry, and encourages the downhearted. It sets a positive tone.
Be optimistic. Everyone has enough problems. People are drawn to positive, solution-oriented people.
Be sociable. If you’re shy when meeting people, focusing on making the other person feel accepted and at ease can help you feel less self-conscious.
Look for the good in others. Everyone has some admirable qualities. Focus on finding those, not on finding fault.
Compliment others’ good qualities. Everyone needs to know that his or her good qualities are noticed and appreciated. Be generous, sincere, and specific with your compliments.
Lighten up. A person with a good sense of humor is fun to be around. Just be sure your humor doesn’t come at someone else’s expense.
Keep an open mind. Everyone has a right to their opinion. Few arguments are worth winning at the cost of a friendship. Sometimes it’s best to agree to disagree.
Be humble. People who are proud and self-centered are difficult to be around. Humility is winsome; pride is woeful.
Be a good listener. One of the best ways to show people you care about them is by taking an interest in what they have to say and making an effort to understand them and empathize.
Be gracious when others make mistakes. Everybody messes up sometimes. Remember the Golden Rule: “Treat others as you want them to treat you” (Matthew 7:12 CEV). You may find the same courtesy coming back to you when you make mistakes.