I read an article from a life coach about the myth of a “balanced life.” He was saying that the expectation that we are able to juggle exactly the right amount of sleep, work, play, exercise, education, intimacy, quality time with our children, and whatever else each day brings is ridiculous and impossible. When I read that, it was like a light went on in my soul, and I understood why I could never achieve, let alone maintain this elusive “balanced life.” It is indeed a ridiculous and impossible pursuit!
Balance is not dividing your 24-hour days with exactly the right amount of time for each category. Balance is much more dynamic and intentional, adding in a little more of this, taking out some of that, so that needs are met and conditions do not become toxic. It looks different for each person, and different in each season of life.
I have come to realize that the wisdom to know what and when is something that will always keep me needing Jesus. I will never have my life so streamlined and organized that I don’t need His insight to decide on the priorities. I’m not saying no structure. I work at set times, we don’t get to choose if we pay our bills or not, and there is a certain hierarchy to my priorities and non-negotiables, which are:
- Faith: time with Jesus, letting God’s Word steer my life
- Family: marriage and kids
- Finances: work, keeping the operation afloat
- Fitness: sleep and exercise, eating quality food
- Friends: the community around us, from church, friends, and neighbors, and being mindful of the needs of our community
Fun: this can be big or small things, and really should show up in all the other things, but it should get some actual time dedicated to it, too.1 Ever since my kids were tiny, I’ve always asked myself the questions: What are the big things? And what does it look like when we’re getting it right?
For example, when we were super busy and focusing on a move or our work and the kids weren’t getting as much attention as usual, I would frequently ask myself, “Are they happy? Do they still seem secure and settled?” And if the answer was yes, then I knew we were okay. And if it was no, then we had to shift our priorities.
If my husband and I were exceptionally busy and not spending as much time together as usual, I would ask myself if we were still sweet and happy with each other. If the answer was yes, then we were okay. If it was no, we had to make an adjustment.
If I was able to calm my spirit and God’s Word was still speaking to my heart, I knew my connection with Jesus was okay. If I wasn’t calm and the voice of my stressors was louder than His promised peace, I knew I needed to switch my priorities.
I’m not trying to write a whole book here. My point is simply that “balance” is not really the goal. The goal is doing the right thing at the right time, which takes a much deeper centering and sense of priorities.
Jesus is an amazingly good example of this. If you look over the Gospels you will see that He didn’t focus on the same things every day. Sometimes His focus was on preaching and healing the multitudes. Then He went off alone to pray. At other times one person was the center of His attention. Sometimes He did menial things. Sometimes He did glorious things. Wherever He was, that situation got His attention. He wasn’t a multitasker with a spreadsheet and a checklist. He met the needs that came His way, focused on the task at hand, and trusted His Father for what He needed day by day.
- For more, see What Really Works: Blending the Seven Fs for the Life You Imagine by Paul Batz and Tim Schmidt. ↑