When I was a child, “love” was one of my favorite words. I remember ending any letter that I wrote with the words “I love you so so so much!” I felt love from my family, my friends, our church. To me, love was the feeling of being safe and cared for.
As I grew older, I discovered a different kind of love, the type described in Proverbs 27:6: “Faithful are the wounds of a friend.” I learned that love is also helping people see their shortcomings.
When I was a teen, I developed a bad habit of swearing. It got to the point where it just flowed off my tongue when I was with my friends and I hardly noticed it. One day a close friend took me aside and told me that he thought I swore way too much. He said it was ugly to hear. I was taken aback and felt defensive, but in my heart, I couldn’t help but acknowledge that he was right. I knew that he told me that because he cared for me as a friend and wanted what was best for me and not because he wanted to make me feel bad. He genuinely wanted to help me be a better person.
So, with his help and encouragement, I studied what the Bible says about our speech. “Death and life are in the power of the tongue” (Proverbs 18:21). “For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of” (Luke 6:45 NIV). “Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless” (James 1:26 NIV).
After a while I learned to control my tongue and to express surprise or disappointment in a more positive way. I am so grateful now that my friend didn’t shrink from mentioning this to me, though I’m sure it wasn’t easy for him to do so. There have been many times since then that I have been corrected by my family and friends, and while it doesn’t feel good, I know that they do so because they care about me.
It hurts our pride to be corrected by others, but if we ask the Lord for understanding and we work to change for the better, then it’s for our benefit. “For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it” (Hebrews 12:11).